We lose more than a loved one when someone dies

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73 Years 73 Laps a story about Don's swimming dedication click here

This has been one of the most difficult times I have had for years.  Two things have tugged at my heart over the last several days.  The first is the loss of a good friend and a man I have admired and respected since the day we met, Don Chartier.  The second is the continuing number of lives lost in a war that even the commander on the ground has had to redefine what victory will mean.

I learned Monday afternoon that Don Chartier, a well known volunteer and pacesetter in our community, passed away.  Don was one of those rare people who do a lot and sought little recognition. When recognition did come, he invariably applauded the people around him who helped make it possible. 

We met Don and Jane when we first started attending the various meetings around the lake area in the mid 1990’s.  We attended the wedding reception for him and Jane.  After we left the lake we still kept in touch and made it a point to seek them out when we came back for any length of time. 

It was during one of our weekend trips visiting the lake when we lived in Dover that we ran into Don and Jane at the Eaton Ferry Grill.  I asked Don how they were doing. He immediately told me about Jane needing a pace-maker or heart monitor or some heart gadget.  Then in true Don humor he added the only problem now is that it  is hard to keep with her. 

According to him, that is why he started to swim laps (it was years later before I heard the real story.)  Also in true Don form he set a goal of swimming a lap for each year of his life for his birthday. He mentioned that he was up to fifty laps.  I told him I also swam, but not that many laps.  To be honest when I drove away I thought he must not count his laps the same way I do, because he mentioned far more laps than I could dream of swimming, I was wrong. 

Don kept up with his swimming and up until last year continued to swim his age in laps. In one of the last conversations I had with him he said he missed the swimming, but he had lost so much weight he got too cold in the water so he could no longer do it.  He then added that as soon as he puts the weight back on he will be back at it. 

To my knowledge he never got the chance.  He mentioned about organizing a lap swim fundraising project for Relay for Life to raise more money for Cancer research.   As sick as he knew he was he still wanted to do something for others. 

I was unable to see Don when he was in the hospital because of a cold that I felt he didn’t need to catch.  It was truly my loss and I will always regret not finding a way to do it. We will miss Don and the area will miss all his hard work and all he had to offer. 

Another loss that is pulling at my heart is the 4,000 death in the war.  The figures about the deaths and casualties in the war are staggering.  On May 2, 2003 President Bush declared ‘mission accomplished’.  Ninety –seven percent of the all the casualties have happened since those words were seared into our minds.  At that point of the war there were 139 deaths, 116 wounded in a action (WIA) that were returned to duty and 429 WIA that did not return to duty. There is no count of those that suffer from some type of mental  problem as a result of serving in this war.

As of Monday there are now a total of 4,000 dead, over 16,165 WIA and returned to duty and over 12,741 WIA and not returned to duty.  Half of the casualties were under 25 years of age.  Two thousand two hundred children have lost a parent. 

Then there are the costs we don’t see.  The costs to a child that relives their loss at every special occasion where other fathers and mothers are there to celebrate, but they have lost theirs.  The loss that a mother or father feels for each special day they live without their child with them. 

We seem to spend a lot of time talking about the financial cost of the war, money can be made again and again.  We should spend more time considering the human cost. It is not replaceable.

Maurice Emery is the Editor of The Littleton Observer. In addition to his editorial duties and his weekly column he writes a blog about life.  His blog is at www.athoughtortwo.com.

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